May 5 2000, 862 words
Now that the UNC's Commission of Inquiry into the Administration of Justice has gotten underway, I have made it part of my journalistic duty to write letters on behalf of the public, highlighting some of their concerns about justice in Trinidad and Tobago. As a public service, I now publish these letters, which have been written verbatim from interviews which I made up.
Dear Lord Mackay,
There is great injustice being constantly perpetuated on the majority of citizens in Trinidad (but not Tobago) which I hope your Commission would do something about. Indeed, I am sure Your Lordship will himself experience this same injustice before he leaves our fair shores, if he has not already done so. I am referring, of course, to the exorbitant prices charged by KFC for their fried chicken.
I love KFC (original recipe, though I have no objection to the Spicy-Crispy) but am not able to eat it as often as I would like because their prices never go down. This is so even when there is a glut of chicken on the market! It is clearly unjust that KFC should not lower their prices when they get their chicken cheap cheap, and I urge your Commission to urge the Attorney General to pass a law saying that KFC must adjust their prices according to the wholesale price of chicken, especially when they getting free pluck-and-gut.
Yours truly,
Finger-Licker
Dear Lord Mackay,
I would like to point out to you a glaring inconsistency in the laws of Trinidad and Tobago, which I hope your worthy Commission will rectify. I am referring to the Marriage Acts which allow Hindu men to marry 14-year-old girls and Muslim men to marry 12-year-old ones. I am neither Muslim nor Hindu, but I do not see why I should not marry a young girl if I want. Suppose some day I meet a 12-year-old whose personality is so charming, whose brain is so intelligent, and whose breasts are so budding, that I find myself hopelessly attracted?
In order to make love to her without being arrested - for, as several recent cases have shown, young girls these days cannot be depended upon to keep their mouths shut, even when given money - I would have to change my whole belief system. It is clear that these Acts give an unfair advantage to Hindus and Muslims in this supposedly Christian country, and I hereby call upon your Commission to rectify this gross injustice.
Yours truly,
Lolita-Lover
Dear Lord Mackay,
As a proud black woman, I am very glad that your Commission is examining injustice in Trinidad and Tobago. For too long Trinidadian men have been allowed to treat Trinidadian women unjustly, preferring to marry red or even Indian women instead of African ones. Even our proud black Ms Universe Wendy Fitzwilliam has not made our ignorant Trini men change their tiny minds. Obviously, only strong legislation will work, and I call upon your Commission to pass a law making it mandatory for advertising agencies to use dark-skinned women in their commercials so men will begin to find us attractive.
Yours truly,
Nubian Queen
Dear Lord Mackay,
I wish for your Commission to look at the matter of murders in Trinidad and Tobago. On this issue, there is clearly a great need for justice. Many times I have had the urge to kill someone. This usually happens when I want to keep the wrong sort of people out of a club, or when people tell me my business is bad for the environment, or when I see people cutting a piece of lawn on the street outside my home, or when I have taken a few drinks.
Yet I cannot kill these people, because I am only a security guard, and every time one of us kill somebody we are arrested. But it is our duty to kill people who deserve it. That is what we get paid $7.50 an hour for. I hope your Commission will pass laws to correct this gross miscarriage of justice, so even people like me who not white, rich or police can also kill without fear of jail.
Yours truly,
Insecurity Guard
Dear Lord Mackay,
I hope your Commission has taken note of the gross injustice being perpetuated on pitbull owners in this country. Many people have cars, which often kill others. Yet nobody is calling for a ban on cars. My three pitbulls are far better trained and more dependable than my Mazda MX5. Why should I - to say nothing of my dogs Cuddles, Ruffles and Cutesy-Pie - have to suffer because other people's pitbulls have maimed and killed? I hereby call upon your worthy Commission to repeal this unjust law.
Yours truly,
Bull-Lover
Dear Lord Mackay,
I sell doubles at Curepe junction. People only buy from me when Sauce have too many customers around him and they can't wait. And I don't mean old Sauce, but the younger brothers. This very, very unjust. Please pass a law saying Sauce could only have so much customers at a time.
Yours truly,
Slight Pepper
Copyright ©2000 Kevin Baldeosingh