31 March 2000, 946 words
If you had a choice, would you want to be born stupid or smart? Many of you would probably say, "Smart. Duh." But that's only because you haven't really observed the world around you. If you had, you'd realize that anyone who wants to be smart is stupid, and anyone who wants to be stupid is smart.
The reason for this is summed up in an anonymous verse I read a long time ago: "See the happy moron,/He doesn't give a damn,/ I wish I were a moron -/My God! Perhaps I am!/
It's true, though. Stupid people never have to worry about anything. If they're sick, they needn't worry: the late Archbishop said that suffering brings you closer to God. If they're poor, they needn't worry: the Finance Minister says the economy is booming. If they've been robbed, raped or mugged, they needn't worry: the Police Commissioner says violent crime is on the decrease. And not only that, but Attorney General Ramesh Lawrence Maharaj says that he is only trying to make the judiciary more competent. (Of course, if you're stupid enough to believe that, you'd better check your pulse: your brain mightn't have enough power to pump blood through your veins.)
Ambrose Bierce knew all this a long time ago, when he defined "idiot" in The Devil's Dictionary: "A member of a large and powerful tribe whose influence in human affairs has always been dominant and controlling." (No, Bierce wasn't Trinidadian.)
Bierce's definition is true no matter what aspect of life we're talking about. Take religious leaders, for example. None of them are starving. On the contrary, they're dying from heart attacks. And the more stupid they are, the more successful they are. Pastor Cuffie owns a quarter-million-dollar van. He has white three-piece suits with matching cowboy boots. The cost of the latter alone could probably feed a poor family for a week. And, most recently, he has been boasting about his $10 million "Christ castle".
Jesus himself was born in a manger and died like a common criminal. But Jesus was apparently a reasonably intelligent man. Cuffie, on the other hand, displays few or no signs of brain activity. His weekly diatribes are innocent of logic and fact. Indeed, they are often free even of Christianity. If Cuffie's God exists, it seems that He rewards stupidity handsomely. (Not that Cuffie should take this as proof of his God's existence, for the same logic may be applied to the Pope's God, Abu Bakr's God, Sat Maharaj's God and even SuperBlue's God.)
The great showman P.T. Barnum once said, "No one ever lost money underestimating the American public", and what is true for the American public is even truer for the Trinidadian one. Look at the number of people who support Basdeo Panday. True, Panday once had a reputation for being, if not intelligent, at least cunning. But since he became Prime Minister, it has become clear that the erstwhile Silver Fox was never even sly. It was just that, in a political culture defined by venality, deceit, viciousness and megalomania, Panday's natural reactions seem awfully clever.
Unfortunately, good governance requires more than politics. That is why Panday's stupidity has now become so obvious. His attacks on the media are stupid. His lies, about not receiving the report on a contract against Ken Gordon and the letter from Hansraj Sumairsingh, were stupid. His dismissal of the Deyalsingh Report on the airport project was stupid. His incitement of drunken UNC supporters to "do dem first" was stupid. His treatment of President Robinson was stupid. His declaration of the CJ, Lloyd Best, Selwyn Ryan and CCN as his enemies was stupid. His appointment of Lindsay Gillette as acting Prime Minister was incredibly stupid.
But, if stupidity is a great advantage for religious leaders, it is an absolutely enormous one for politicians. Indeed, intelligence is a distinct disadvantage for a politician: look at Lloyd Best. On the other hand, Patrick Manning, whose best attribute is his vacant expression, was once Prime Minister and is still PNM leader. Dhanraj Singh is the UNC's best Minister. Ramesh is so foolish that he actually thought publishing the letters between himself and the Chief Justice would make the CJ look bad and himself look good. But the absolute depth of stupidity required for political success is amply demonstrated by the fact that Morgan Job considers himself an intellectual.
But so what? Panday knows he needn't worry about stupidity. The only thing a politician really needs to worry about is intelligent voters. But these, like principled parliamentarians, are such a tiny minority that they are no cause for concern. So the Gillette appointment will not stop the Maha Sabha and other true Indians from voting UNC come election day. Even Sandra Sumairsingh let Panday cuddle the newborn son of her murdered husband.
But it's not just politics and religion where stupidity is an advantage. In my own profession, too, it can be a great asset. As a newspaper columnist, I try to write witty, concise, informative articles. Sometimes I even succeed. And, fewer times, readers even write to tell me that they like my work. Yet those columnists who employ the most simplistic logic, write in the most inept style, and spout the tritest platitudes - these are the people who claim to receive tons of letters and e-mails every week. Me, if I get three responses to any particular article, I am overwhelmed.
Obviously, then, the reason Bierce's definition is true is because stupidity is far more popular - and readable - than intelligence. That is why stupidity has so many benefits, which I guess I'll have to do without.
Copyright ©2000 Kevin Baldeosingh