July 14 2000, 875 words
Now that school is out, many youths will be looking for summer jobs. Some will even be looking for jobs for the other season. In today's column, I have written application letters for different kinds of employment. Young readers can use these letters as models to write their own job applications, according to their particular skills, qualifications and ambition.
Dear Sir or Madam:
I will like to apply for a job as a radio DJ on your radio station. I have a Jamaican accent, yeah mon. I never speak in whole sentences and, if I do, they never grammatical. I always sound like I just smoke a spliff, Rasta far eye. This is because I always have just smoke a spliff, yi bi bi dip bi bi. I keep it real, yeah yeah Big up. I go to every Dub Concert and always carry an ice-pick. I wear my pants on my ankles.
I believe I am well-qualified for this job and would like to start next Monday any time after 12 noon. Hale eye say Lassie eye.
Yours truly,
Tony ("On") Chow Lin
Dear Sir or Madam,
In response to your ad, I would like to apply for a job as driver. I am a very good driver. I live in Barrackpore and have often driven chickens, goats, even a cow. But I am especially good at driving flies. My mother says that is what I am good for. (See attached testimonial.) My hands are very quick and they do not get tired. When I am eating, flies never get the chance to land on my food. I usually eat three times a day. I also eat snacks. If you need an assistant to prevent flies landing on your food, or to drive any other sort of creature, I believe my experience and willingness make me well-qualified for this position.
Thank you for your consideration.
Yours sincerely,
Dhanny Singh
Dear Sir,
I am writing in response to your ad for young, attractive waitresses. I am young and attractive. I have a boyfriend and he often keep me waiting. I do not mind waiting, because he is so cute. When we go KFC, I always brings his food for him. I never spill either his fries or his drink. The one time I do so, he lash me. So I well-trained not to spill now. I hope you will give me a job, because my boyfriend need to buy a set of new rims for his car. Also new speakers. Hoping this letter finds you well.
Yours truly,
Kim Little
Dear Sir:
I would like a job with your company. I am very good. I read my Bible every day and I attend church twice a week. I am very good and you should hire good people. I do not smoke or drink or read (except the Bible, every day). I am a virgin. I believe a young person of my character would be a great asset to your company. I read my Bible every day. I am very good, and every company needs good people.
I will pray for you to give me a job and, if you don't, I will ask God not to let your soul burn in Hell for all eternity.
Yours in Christ,
Winston Tea
Dear Sir,
I wish to apply for a job as a firewoman. I have always liked fire-engines. I like the red colour. I always wear red lipstick. I like how the fire-hose is so long and black. I always wear black underwear, or none. I like how the firemen look so on in their coats and helmets and black boots. I always wear black fishnet stocking with stiletto heels. I am really hot. Just writing this letter makes me really hot. Would you like to put me out? I want to be a firewoman.
Yours for the taking,
Renee "Skettel Flame" Poire
Dear Madam/Sir:
I would like to get a job as a public servant. I really need this job. My mother says all I do is sit around the house all day and do nothing. (See attached testimonial.) I believe I am well-qualified for this post. I generally do not wake up before 10 a.m. and I usually take a nap after lunch. I would be quite willing to strike for higher wages any time I am told to do so.
Thank you for your consideration.
Yours sincerely,
Jenny Baptiste
Dear Sir/Madam:
I would like a job on the staff of your corporation. My father is a very wealthy businessman. (See attached bank statement.) The job should just be for the summer, at least executive level salary, preferably a sinecure. I am highly-qualified for this post, since I will have completed my business degree in four years time, after I get into the Harvard Business School. My father also knows many Government Ministers. (See attached bank statement.)
Yours truly,
Johnny Bharath
Dear Sir,
I am applying for a job as a newspaper columnist with the Trinidad Guardian. I recently placed first in a local beauty contest. Please tell me when I should start.
Love Always,
Wendy H.D. Wendy
Copyright ©2000 Kevin Baldeosingh