28 July 1998, 551 words
As a professional writer, I try to be competent in as many forms of writing as possible. I never know when I may have to write a newspaper article, an academic thesis, a book, a play or even a poem. The last is the most difficult form of writing, and my poetry will never win me the Nobel Prize for Literature. But I bet even Derek Walcott would be hard-pressed to write a good limerick. Now the limerick is a form of humourous verse.This, you might think, would make politics and politicians natural subjects for the limerick.For example:
There once was a government by guessWhich got the country into a real mess.
In the midst of its confusion
The leader had a brilliant solution
And blamed everything on the damned press.
There once was an ethnic Prime Minister
Whose skin was as sensitive as a blister.
He would respond to every criticism
With an Indian catechism:
A ploy that to many seemed rather sinister.
However, limericks are supposed to be about nothing in particular, so the true limerick writer avoids political issues.Traditionally, the limerick just names a characterand a place in its first line.For example:
A vagrant who lived in Woodford SquareGreeted the People's Parliament with a cheer.
He said, 'With this media furor
Just now I mightn't get newspaper
So I glad for all this hot air.'
Another common limerick technique is to use a very common name in the first line.This is in order to include as many persons as possible.Two examples are:
There was a fellow named ReezaWho wanted to be a woman pleaser;
He said, 'I will never mislead
By word or by deed.'
Now wasn't he a real teaser?
There once was a fellow named Noor
Who was really a bit of a boor.
When his office he had to vacate,
He changed his name and birth date
And sneaked back in through a Cabinet door.
But the limerick has also been used, occasionally, to highlight purely intellectual issues. Thefirst limerick which follows deals with Cartesian doubt, knowledge by acquaintance, and sensory perception. The second limerick advises on how to write like a true academic.
There once was a philosopher named BurtonWho said nothing was ever certain.
But when he sat on a tack
His screams showed a lack
Of scepticism in his hurtin'.
There once was a fellow named Best
Whose vocabulary ran to excess.
He said, 'My verbiage
Must be like jungle foliage:
Syntactic economy does not impress.'
The limerick has also been used to teach children useful habits like basic hygiene.Unfortunately, this verse form has not been half as effective in teaching politicians about ethics, which is why the following example has nothing to do with politics.
There was once a fellow named WadeWho said, 'Although I bade and bade,
I still find that muck
To my skin remains stuck -
Do you think I should use a spade?
Another favoured limerick technique is to take an unusual name and find an unexpected rhyming scheme. For instance:
There was a lawyer named Ramesh LawrenceWho liked to issue legal warrants.
He said, 'Anyone who criticizes
Will find himself in the Assizes.'
No wonder he was viewed with abhorrence!
I hope this little lesson in limerick writing has been enlightening. After all, we at the Independent aim not only to inform, but also to educate and entertain. And who, pray tell, could object to that?
Copyright ©1998 Kevin Baldeosingh