12 November 1998, 868 words
Regular readers of this column might be wondering why last week, with all the brouhaha about the media, I chose to mock God instead of Mr. Panday. Well, it's because I'm afraid of Mr. Panday. I have only had one indirect conflict with our country's Prime Minister, when his accusations of media bias (Mr. Panday asserting that "Chutney rising" was a racist headline) ran headlong into my journalistic ethics (theGuardian board saying that their newspaper's policy was to "not encourage confrontation with the Government.") I resigned from the Guardian, and I have been only semi-employed ever since.
So when Mr. Panday declares outright war against the media, naturally I get worried. I am only a columnist now and my last name is as Indian as you could get. But I know that won't help me: look what happened to TV6 reporter Rosemary Sant and TTT cameraman Bissoondath Rampersad. It is true that Mr. Panday has declared that this war must be carried on with love, giving the example of a soldier who shoots another soldier: "He does it without hate," he said. However, that doesn't change the fact that the shot soldier is just as shot; and it will not comfort me if some UNC fanatic chops me with love in his heart.
In an attempt to avoid all this, therefore, I have composed a paean (a song of triumph) for Mr. Panday. I do hope he accepts it in the spirit in which it is given: an abject, cringing, sniveling apology. I am not quite sure how to snivel, but I intend to practise until I am perfect at it. And I would advise every citizen of Trinidad and Tobago to do the same. Nothing less, I suspect, will satisfy our Honourable Prime Minister.
Lyrics by KB
Our Great Leader has declared warTo fill our land with bliss;
Just by shutting up the racist media
We shall get our every wish.
Just ask and shall receive
Just like Steve, Brian and Ish.
All we ask is that you believe
Our Leader's every promise!CHORUS:
Basdeo Panday is the puppet master
Dancing with Ish, Steve and Brian,
A pull string man, string pull man,
He is the master blaster!
Watch the puppets dance,
Watch the puppets prance!
Watch the puppets make romance
Wining in a UNC trance.I ask you this,
Who has more promise
Than our beloved leader?
He promise to remove nepotism,
Eradicate racism and pseudo-racism
And heal every schism
That has kept Indians in T&T under.
But you will never hear this
From the racist, racist media.INVOCATION:
Come sing your bhajans at the UNC altar
Our faith in Sri Panday-ji shall never falter
Our worship of thee shall never alter
Just doh ask we to drink Malta.Our Great Leader, in all his naked glory,
Even promised transparency
And has done so clearly
For right through him we see.
Our beloved PM tells it like it is,
The truth he does not bend;
Yet even though he gives the facts
Them reporters still asking about InnCogen.No tendering, what a ting,
Thirty-year guarantee, yes oui,
Contract collateral, talk 'bout bobol,
Fiscal finagling, Narine Singh,
Twenty-year friend, rules get bend, hear Natalie:
"Did you pull a string?"
Yes, the Leader got a little angry
Because he promised transparency
And to scathe every bobolee
Who badtalk the UNC.
So he didn't cover he mouth,
He say what he was about,
And show he true face for all to see.So what if he pull a string for Narine Singh?
(See the puppet dance!)
The PNM did the same
To ask him that was totally insulting
(See the puppet prance!)
You trying to blacken we Leader name?"That's insulting, that's insulting!"
How they could insult the man so?
He is the PM, they have no respect
Talking to the man like he is Johnny O.The media is only puppets
Of the racists, PNM and homos;
That is why they get pelt with rum
To stop them writing innuendoes.At the UNC rally, activist Anil
(Puppet on a short string)
Said the media were all faggots,
(Puppet misbehaving)
And got himself all hot
(Puppet on a bottle fling)
Because he actively anal.
(Puppet bend over and wining)INVOCATION:
Panday the master puppet
Promised to clean up corruption
He said he would mop it
Right off the floor of the nation
The Commission on the airport expansion
Didn't understand the PM's stand
(We name is UNC)
And let the chips fall where they may
(You wasn't suppose to see)
So now the expansion expand
And Ish has had his way.
(Never see, come see)
All of which proves our Leader's worth,
For would Ish still have his wish
If there'd been corruption to unearth?
(If you loyal, you en see)When NFM lose $30 million,
You en see!
When Susan Harrysingh make a six for one,
You en see!
When Ken Soodhoo do voodoo
You en see!
When Kuei Tung lie about Winsure
You en see!
When Ish get $150 million more
You en see!You en see!You en see!CHORUS & INVOCATION
Copyright ©1998 Kevin Baldeosingh