Kevin Baldeosingh - A gospelypso for Patrick

A gospelypso for Patrick

07 February 2002, 679 words

Well, it's that time once again, when I write my annual calypso. I usually do this after the Carnival, because I don't want to embarrass all those calypsonians who can't even write a real rhyme or whose vocal range doesn't extend beyond two octaves (i.e. 95 percent of them). But this year is different. Not one calypsonian has seen fit to sing a calypso critical of the PNM and Patrick Manning, and I thought I should fill the gap, because filling gaps (and other kinds of empty spaces) is one of my favourite hobbies.

And there certainly seems to exist an airy gap between the ears of many calypsonians. What other conclusion can I come to when one calypsonian sings that banning corporal punishment will create more young criminals and another that douglarisation is against the laws of God and Nature? Such baseless tripe is bad enough, but what is worse is when Manning has offered such great material for political picong and not one calypsonian has grabbed this treasure.

Indeed, as a sometime satirist, I was worried when the UNC went out of office, because I could always depend on them to supply me with jokes. But I must say that, within the few weeks he has been in power, Manning has exceeded my wildest expectations. Here, then, is a calypso which no calypsonian has sung, but which I'm willing to sell for a reasonable price, VAT included.

A tie-up man

Patrick is a man who study geology

But a politician he became,

That didn surprise nobody

Because he always had rocks for brains.

CHORUS: So wave your Hinn, wave your Hinn!

Let the Holy Spirit in, in,

Cast out original sin, sin

And throw Panday in the dustbin!

Patrick is a tie up man

And a tie up man is he,

He thanking God for victory

When he should be thanking Robbie.

REFRAIN: Tie me to thy side, O Lord

With thy Divine leash and dog-collar.

Faithfully shall I serve Thee, O God,

Now that I can unleash the country's tax dollars.

Patrick ent no good at arithmetic

But he real cunning at craft,

He get eighteen outa thirty-six

And say he have the bigger half.

CHORUS: Wave your Hinn, wave your Hinn!

Put a spin, put a spin,

Hire your kin, hire your kin,

Pretend you win win win!

Only eighteen Patrick get, still he build big Cabinet,

He feeling so high, he give Hazel a bligh,

He throwin fete, he making threat,

Yes, he sun rise high on a balisier tie.

CHORUS: Wave yuh tie, wave yuh tie

Gih Lenny a bligh, gih Gift a bligh

Leh Panday cry, cry cry

Patrick high like de sky sky sky.

Patrick is a tie up man a tie up man

From head to toes he getting blows,

He doin stupidness, he getting licks,

Is no wonder he have to rub Aloes.

REFRAIN: Tie me to thee, O Lord,

I like the feeling I get.

Lash me with thy Divine Whip

So I wouldn go to fete.

He hire a Security Minister

Who shoot heself in de foot,

Because whenever Patrick open he mouth

In he foot self he does put.

CHORUS: Wave your Hinn (jump up) wave your Hinn (jump up)!

Patrick born again born again

Tie yuh tin cup tie yuh tin cup,

Patrick have God, he eh need a brain!

Patrick have spirituality and morality

So he hire Muslimeen for URP,

Everybody say wha happen to he,

How come Abu didn tie he in 1990?

CHORUS: Wave yuh pole, wave yuh pole

Put two finger in yuh nose-hole, hole

Call the score, call the score, the score,

Patrick boy workin better than before!

Patrick only going to revival

To pray that his term never ends,

He depending on God for survival,

And to keep him riding in Mercedes Benz.

CHORUS: Wave yuh Hinn, wave yuh Hinn!

Patrick's future he did foretell,

Manning is the man in

So tell all dem Hindu to go to Hell!