Take the rap

09 January 2003, 820 words

Prime Minister Patrick Manning has been taking a lot of stick ever since he met with gang leaders in order to request that they stop robbing, raping and killing. The thing is, if Manning could in fact communicate effectively with these "community leaders", as he calls them, then his approach might indeed work. But these guys are from the ghetto. They wear gold chains with matching teeth and use the F-word as verb, adjective, noun and all-purpose detergent. Manning, on the other hand, is a jacket-and-tie born-again Afro-Saxon, with dimples. So how can he talk to such characters in a way they can understand? The answer, in my opinion, is to rap. So, in order to help out Mr. Manning and my country, I have penned the following ditty for him to use when next he meets with these individuals.

P Manny Prime

Intro:

Yes, I'm back, Patrick's back

Back on track, hiring hacks,

Sack by fax, take twice by tax,

Stack the facts, put blacks in shacks.

Verse 1

Yo yo, yes it's me, I freaked up the UNC

Now I'm back like a bad penny, ready for any body

Ain't nobody can beat me, I'm the man named Manny

I'm ready for any body, every body

And many bodies we go see in two oh oh three

Which is why I'm keeping that beeping Chin Lee,

Chinee money necessary electorally,

So though Chin Lee see so dimly, dim bulb, dim sum,

I'll keep him on like a setting sun

Keep Laventy safe for you sons-of-a-gun.

So let that Guy say what he want

I'll put him down like a mother's cunt,

I go haze the populace with a populist phrase

Is just in the trace, is just a phase,

Give out a ten days, public servants a raise

Daze the naysayers with my public prayers.

Chorus:

Say hee ha hee hee ha

Hee ha hee ha ha.

Yes it's me, P Manny the Big Daddy

I'm the Prime Number, Number One,

Father of the Nation with no alteration

Ready to rap in your altercations.

Say ha, say hee, say ha ha hee!

Verse 2

So listen to me, I'm P Manny prime

Listen to my rhyme or you'll do hard time

For your horrible crimes you incorrigible slime

I'll bring you to the PM's home for a real good lime.

But don't try to P with me, I'm the game cock in this yard

That's why I put a lame duck who'll never be hard,

I'm a sadist, the raddest, the baddest bard

Since Shakespeare bared his rear and began a fad,

Cause I'm born again, I got a quatrain brain,

Now I'm back laying my tracks like a bullet train,

So don't try to P with me, my urine is a deadly sin,

Deadly like Jet Li, it'll cast you out like Benny Hinn,

So let them reporters rant and rave and misbehave

With a wave of a nib I can dig their grave,

'Cause my President will be no accident

Won't have any contrary antecedents

And in a state of emergency there'll be no urgency

To skew the news against my views

So there'll be no talk about free speech abuse

And I'll look so holy as I kneel in my pews.

Chorus:

Say hee ha hee hee ha

Verse 3

So say my name, say my name with no static,

Two syllables, don't be miserable, I'm so visible,

Call me Pa Trick, Pa Trick, I'm the Father of magic

Ain't that just so risible?

I stick like a tick to the dog of State,

Yeah, I'm the maximum leader ready to bleed her,

Got a full plate, don't get irate, ghost gangs I create,

To make you bottom feeders community leaders.

I tell my dame to say my name, praise my fame as I came

I ain't lame, I ain't tame, I take no blame,

Who get vex, get kill next, is all the same

Fat cheques, pop some necks, that's my game.

You's a fool if you think Abu's cool, he's just a tool,

A mutinous mule, a hard stool, that I use to help me rule.

The Muslimeen are mean but I'm a fighting machine,

I'm seen as Mr. Clean but I'm really quite obscene.

I got my own movement, a lone bashment,

My PNM will P on em, got more hate than Eminem,

I'm a sinister Minister here to administer

Rhetorical licks with a statistical twister,

Next to me Eric was a cleric, Chambers was a pot,

I beat them all, I wanna fall, I feeling hot hot hot!

Chorus:

Say hee ha hee hee ha

Hee ha hee ha ha.

Yes it's me, P Manny the Big Daddy

I'm the Prime Number, Number One,

Father of the Nation with no alteration

Ready to rap in your altercations.

Say ha, say hee, say ha ha hee!