22 October 1998, 964 words
Some months ago, I told readers about a novel I planned to write called Portrait of a Prime Minister. Well, I regret to inform you that I have changed my mind. Even though the novel would have been a work of fiction, it occurred to me that some unintelligent persons - literary critics and the like - might think that the hypocritical and venal protagonist of that book might be based on someone real, like an actual Prime Minister.
So, instead, I am planning to write a novel named Diary of a Dictator. There is no way the main character in this book could be mistaken for any real person since, as we all know, every politician in Trinidad and Tobago is committed to democratic rule. After all, haven't they all at some point said so? Indeed, Prime Minister Basdeo Panday has frequently talked about his commitment to democracy both in public and in Parliament, and this is a man who six times since becoming Prime Minister has also said that his highest commitment is to the truth.
Anyway, as a special treat for Independent readers, here are a few extracts from the draft of my book:
December, 1995
Well, I get the office and the residence. Now I have to figure out how to keep it. Trouble with this country is that we too small to go to war with anybody. Don't even have any Jews I could demonise, and the split between the races too even for me to attack them people because I need votes from them too - at least until I could find a way to get rid of elections. You could believe it only have one Indian worker in this residence?
January, 1996
I know what! I go call the editor of one of them newspapers racist. That will get my supporters to focus on imaginary enemies, while the AG go ahead with changing up the Constitution. And the joke is, nobody go believe the fella if he say he ent racist because everybody know black people don't like Indian, including the black people theyself. I just have to decide which editor to attack - all a them racist, but I need to attack one where I could blackmail the boss. I wonder who need Government approval for a mall or something...?
February, 1996
My ploy work like a charm. Not only did the editor leave, but the newspaper publicly said its policy is not to antagonize the Government. I always thought the vampiric cadre was stupid, but I never realize they was dotish, too! Trouble is, the other newspapers actually criticizing me for what I say. You would think they would at least appreciate my helping remove they competition. But them fellas behaving like they following some kinda principle. I know what to do, though. I go just pass some laws to ban the media from criticising me at all. The law could say they mustn't publish or broadcast anything that harms national unity or doesn't promote the welfare of the nation. They go look like asses if they object to such noble goals. Man, this governing thing easier than I thought!
August, 1996
Man, plenty fuss over this media Bill. Even my own supporters not supporting me, except that columnist who feel I go give him some big Government post if he keep kissing my big toe. Problem is, it still have elections in five years. I go tell the AG to pass an Anti-Discrimination Bill and make it an offence to say or write anything racial in public. That mean nobody could ever criticize my government, because I already say that everybody who attack my government racial.
November, 1996
I dunno why the hell the people who found this Republic put freedom of the press into the Constitution! But I go do for them. Last week, I promise to put more local programming on the TV and radio by passing a law. If you see how all them producers and culture activists start to much me up. Some of them even quoting poll which show support for pan, as though that mean people want to hear it on the radio and TV. I nearly buss mih belly laughing! I tell you, man, this job is bake!
March 1997
These people who vex that I is Prime Minister real boldface in truth! You could believe they making fuss because I giving contracts to them fellas who give the party money? What they expect me to do? Give the contracts to people who didn't give the party money? They even fussing because I putting all my friend and friend relatives on State boards. Why they didn't fuss so when the last regime was in power? You ever used to hear talk about nepotism and jobs for the boys then, except when I complain about it?
September 1997
I real unlucky yes. Oil prices low, methanol prices low. Can't give all them social benefits we promise in the last Budget. Anyway, no matter really. People in this place have short memory: they go remember the promises, not that we never do what we say we go do. But we sell off some national assets, so I go put that money under "Revenue" for the next Budget and say we had a Budget surplus. Besides, my supporters don't care if I do one thing or not, once I in power and once some a them getting a lil thing. I tell you, this government thing is pie!
NB: I haven't decided how to end this book yet. But I don't intend to let the dictator triumph. After all, a police state always ends up being run by the police: I figure that will be the final message.
Copyright ©1998 Kevin Baldeosingh