26 November 1998, 960 words
In order to become a true UNC fanatic, the first thing you must do is watch the rising sun every morning. This will make you half-blind, which is an absolutely necessary condition of political fanaticism. It enables you to not see film footage of journalists being attacked, but still see well enough to pelt a rum bottle straight.
An equally important requirement is an unshakable conviction that the Leader can do no wrong. When Mr. Panday says, "We must do dem first" you can argue that he doesn't mean it in a bad way. When he declares war, you can say he means a peaceful war. Even his venomous tone, curling lip, and the bulging veins in his forehead just means he's "creating a new paradigm", according to MP Fuad Khan.
In other words, a main qualification to be a true UNC fanatic is to be a damn liar. Indeed, the terms are virtually synonymous. Look at Anil Mahabir: even though TTT's cameras showed him pelting a bottle, he asserted that that was really a computer composite of his arm. UNC chairman Kama Maharaj even went so far to say that Anil was an Express columnist rather than a party activist. However, your lies must not only be about political issues, but about everything.
For example, Devant Maharaj of the Maha Sabha recently wrote an article blaming the Hindu caste system on Muslim conquerors. Maharaj simply pretends that the Bhagavadgita doesn't say, "The four divisions of human society are created by Me", these divisions being brahmanas, ksatriyas, vaisyas and sudras who "are distinguished by the qualities born of their own natures." He also didn't mention that the last two classes are described as being of "lower birth" and that the Bhagavadgita goes on to say that "It is better to engage in one's own occupation, even though one may perform it imperfectly, than to accept another's occupation and perform it perfectly." It is therefore not surprising to find Maharaj describing Panday's speech at Mid-Centre mall as "passionate", as though passion makes Panday's attack on the media right, and saying that Panday's position is "consistent", as though consistency makes Panday's rejection of free speech okay.
As part of being a damn liar, the true UNC fanatic will also promote the ethnic cause. That is why Rajnie Ramlakhan, contrary to all scientific evidence, continually denies that Indians have any African genes, and why she wrote a column in the form of bad fiction whose message was that a drunken Indian man calling working journalists "faggots" is an example of courage and eloquence.
It is why both she and the Maha Sabha columns continually exalt the virtues of ancient and modern India, ignoring the fact that ancient India has always been a feudal society and that its ancient history has modern consequences, like India being ranked 138th of 175 countries in the UNDP development index, in 400 million Indians being poor and illiterate and in 600 million of them not having basic sanitation. In other words, the true UNC fanatic exists in and tries to promote a skewed view of reality (which is the real reason they are always convinced everyone else is trying to do the same thing.)
It is also the reason that illiteracy is a major plus for the true party loyalist. If, however, you happen to be unfortunate enough to be able to read, do not believe anything you read, especially investigative reports revealing that Planning Minister Trevor Sudama told Town and Country not to take action on Anthony Sabga's illegally-built mall; or that Reeza Mohammed finagled the placement of sixth-ranked Susan Harrysingh; or that a NIPDEC director resigned because Cabinet instructed NIPDEC to give Ish the airport contract for an expansion that we won't be able to use for decades; and that the InnCOGEN deal was clearly manipulated so this country will have to buy power even if we can't use it for the next 30 years.
Being half-literate does not mean you can't be a true party supporter, of course: it certainly allows you to be on the editorial committee of the party's newspaper, The Rising Sun. After all, only a half-literate could have started a story with a sentence like "Amazing scenes were witnessed..." - a phrase used by V.S. Naipaul in A House for Mr. Biswas to reflect intellectual sterility.
Half-literacy also allows you to write letters to the editor accusing the media of doing exactly what Mr. Panday does (but pretending he doesn't do it), like letter writer Suresh Maraj from Curepe, who wrote: "...they attack without due consideration of the hate and malice they produce from information they feed the public (pretend Mr. Panday didn't declare war against the media); "They would attempt to destroy individual thinking and initiative" (pretend Mr. Panday didn't tell his supporters not to buy newspapers which criticized his administration); "The determination to believe - when the proof is not provided and when the questions are not answered - is important to the powerful forces at work." (Go back two paragraphs.) You can also justify everything the UNC regime does by arguing that the PNM and Africans did it too, like Kumar Mahabir.
In other words, your basic premise when defending the UNC must always be that "two wrongs make a right", but of course you must never come out and actually say so. You don't want to sound like a complete fool although, to judge from the appearance of those who champion the UNC cause most loudly, it certainly helps to look like one.
Do all this and you shall undoubtedly rise to great heights in the party. Who knows? You might even become Prime Minister.
Copyright ©1998 Kevin Baldeosingh