3 March 2000, 835 words
Trinidad Express, 24/02/2000: Local Government Minister Dhanraj Singh has turned to the public for help in weeding out criminal elements in the Unemployment Relief Programme (URP). Yesterday, he established a hotline to his Ministry for members of the public with any knowledge of these criminal elements to call in.
Ring
OPERATOR: Hello, criminal hotline. Eileen speaking.
CALLER: Hello?
OPERATOR: Yes, hello.
CALLER: Hello? Dhanraj?
OPERATOR: Could you speak up, sir?
CALLER: Hello?
OPERATOR: Sir, I'm not hearing you.
CALLER: Me neither.
Click
Ring
OPERATOR: Hello, URP hotline. Eileen speaking.
CALLER: Good day. I'd like to order some Char Su Kai Fan, with lemon chicken, some beef lo mein -
OPERATOR: I'm sorry, sir. You have a wrong number.
CALLER: You don't have lemon chicken?
OPERATOR: You have a wrong number, sir.
CALLER: Okay, I will take mushroom chicken instead.
OPERATOR: Sir, you have a wrong number.
CALLER: This is not Kampo restaurant?
OPERATOR: This is the hotline for information about criminal elements in the URP.
CALLER: Oh. I see. In that case, I will take a chicken roti, slight pepper.
Click
Ring
OPERATOR: Hello, URP criminal hotline. Eileen speaking.
CALLER: Hello, my name is Fisheye and I is a criminal.
OPERATOR: Are you employed with the URP, Mr. Fisheye?
CALLER: No. My name is Fisheye and I's a criminal. I want to stop being a criminal.
OPERATOR: I'm sorry, sir. We are only dealing with URP criminals.
CALLER: But it hard, gyul. I does try not to rob, but when I see small man with plenty gold chain, is like I have to hold dey neck.
OPERATOR: I'm sorry, sir. We are only dealing with URP criminals.
CALLER: Or when I go in a store and security ent watching, is like mih finger does itch unless I take something.
OPERATOR: Sir, this hotline is only for URP criminals.
CALLER: Only for URP criminals?
OPERATOR: Yes, sir.
CALLER: You mean I have to join URP before you could help me?
OPERATOR: No, sir. We are trying to get criminals out of the URP.
CALLER: My name is Fisheye. I want to stop being a criminal.
Click
Ring
OPERATOR: Hello. Hotline for the elimination of criminals in the URP. Eileen speaking.
CALLER: This is the hotline?
OPERATOR: Yes, sir.
CALLER: How much do you charge?
OPERATOR: There is no charge for this call, sir, except your normal phone rates.
CALLER: This is the hotline?
OPERATOR: Yes, sir.
CALLER: Your name is Eileen?
OPERATOR: Yes, sir.
CALLER: Tell me, Eileen, how hot are you?
Click
Ring
OPERATOR: Hello. Hotline for the elimination of criminals in the Unemployment Relief Programme. Eileen speaking.
CALLER: I does work in the URP.
OPERATOR: And you have knowledge or information about criminal elements in the URP?
CALLER: I does work in the Laventy Corporation. Girl, it have some women there who does come to work in all kinda tight tights and see-through jersey. One even come in a poom-poom shorts the other day. I mean, I wouldn mind if dey was nice, but is some real fat ting with bobo on dey leg.
OPERATOR: Yes, sir. But do you have any knowledge or information about criminal elements in the URP?
CALLER: But what Ah just tell yuh? Is criminal for woman who look like that to dress like that!
Click
Ring
OPERATOR: Hello. This is the hotline of Minister Dhanraj Singh for the elimination of criminals in the URP. Eileen speaking.
CALLER: All-yuh know a fella name Thomas Thomson, from Mayaro?
OPERATOR: Does he work with the URP, sir?
CALLER: Yeah.
OPERATOR: And you have evidence that he has committed criminal acts?
CALLER: Yes. Mih wife leave me for he.
OPERATOR: Well, sir...
CALLER: They living together.
OPERATOR: I'm sorry, sir.
CALLER: We ent divorced.
OPERATOR: Sir, I really don't see -
CALLER: So they committing adultery!
OPERATOR: Sir, I'm afraid -
CALLER: The Lord say adultery is a crime!
OPERATOR: I'm sorry, sir, but -
CALLER: "If a man be found lying with a woman married to a husband, then they shall both of them die," saith the Lord.
OPERATOR: Sir, we cannot -
CALLER: I see that you don't follow the word of God. Beware, for the last days are upon us and the day of judgement is nigh!
Click
Ring
OPERATOR: Hello. This is the Hotline of Minister Dhanraj Singh for the elimination of criminals in the URP. Eileen speaking.
CALLER: I know about a criminal in the URP, and I have evidence to support my allegation.
OPERATOR: Thank you, sir. Please go ahead.
CALLER: He does break the rules about allocating jobs. He does threaten people. He does cuss people left right and centre. He does carry a gun. People get beat up right in he office. He even get investigate in a murder.
OPERATOR: What is this person's name?
Click
Copyright©2000 Kevin Baldeosingh