11 October 2001, 766 words
air n. postal address of anyone who opposes the Political Leader
account n. arrangement at bank for depositing or withdrawing money, or to pretend to do so [see contributions, also fat]
alliance n. good strategy when Political Leader does it [see inclusion]; neemakharism otherwise [see back]
aye adv. and n. exclamation to which House Speaker's ear is specially attuned
back n. rear surface of human body from shoulders to hips, suitable for riding and/or stabbing
balls n. anatomical feature whose absence is required to sit in Cabinet
clique n. a small group which drinks Johnny Walker Blue
contract n. document used by Ministers to earn cash bonus
contributions n. a sum of money given to a political party or to landlord of Kensington apartment
dagger n. tool used in creating or breaking political alliances [see back]
economy n. the wealth and resources of a country, to be stolen by those who run the country
elude v.t. what the truth always does with Government Ministers
emasculate v. and adj. procedure carried out before appointing House Speaker
faction n. a group which splits off from major group, usually when not invited to drink Johnny Walker Blue [see clique]
fat adj. how politicians' wallets get after winning office [see account]
genuine adj. what every politician claims to be and what none really is
gibberish n. all explanations relating to deposits into accounts and salaries for consultancies
glass n. material of which all politicians' houses are made, but which never prevents them from throwing stones
grovel v. effective method of getting forgiveness from Political Leader
hatch v. that which is done to plots in cliques and faction
hearsay n. rumours and gossip, except on a political platform where it is hard evidence
idle adj. & v. what MPs do in Parliament but hide by talking plenty
image n. & v. what a politician projects, usually exactly opposite to what he really is
inclusion n. use of people in order to get money and/or power
jackpot n. money from the FIFA Under-17 football tournament (literal)
jackrabbit n & v. what Jack would have to do in a real country
kink n.& v. sign of probable UNC enemy
kneel v.i. favoured position for asking favours from Political Leader [see emasculate, grovel]
labour n. & v. consultancy which pays a lot and requires little or no work [see gibberish]
lady n. what a politician's wife must appear to be, especially when not [see image]
lap n. the front of the body from the waist to the knees of a sitting person, suitable to be danced in by female who is not lady
larceny n. crime punishable by imprisonment, unless done through contract or campaign contributions
memory n. what politicians lose after coming into power, especially about promises and principles
mind n. what politicians lose after becoming Prime Ministers
Nazi n. what every politician accuses his opponents of being, and acts like as soon as he wins office
Neanderthal adj. maximum level of intellect required to win political office
office n. room where Ministers often sleep, all real business being conducted on golf courses, verandahs and bars
opportunism n. best strategy for successful politician
pander v. & n. best strategy to get contracts from successful politician
proof n. that which is not necessary when in Opposition but absolutely necessary when in Government
raise v. & n. that which politicians get only from contracts
respect n. what Ministers want to have without doing anything to earn it
sell v. what Ministers come in office to do with country's resources [see economy]
spin v. & n. to make the negative positive, often shocking citizens in process
sycophant n. suitable individual for Minister, State Board chairman or House Speaker
time n. what Ministers never have and never do
tomb n. the other postal address for anyone who opposes the Political Leader
tourist n. a principled politician in Trinidad
trade v. what Ministers do with principles in exchange for money
undeniable adj. a term which exists in no politicians' vocabulary
undue adj. measure of influence every Minister wants
vacant adj. area between ears of Ministers
vacuous adj. character required to retain post of Opposition Leader
vapour n. every statement made by Opposition Leader
wade n. one who gets job solely on racial grounds
wag v. what the tail does to the dog [see clique]
X n. mark used to vote for a particular group of thieves or incompetents
yarn n. promises made on political platform
yell v. method of sounding sincere when making promises on political platform
zigzag n. & v. method of pretending one never made promises on political platform
Copyright©2001 Kevin Baldeosingh