06 December 2001, 877 words
air n. an invisible substance, containing gases which can poison children so long as it doesn't become a political football [see august]
airport n. a place where people fly to foreign countries; also where taxpayers' dollars fly to foreign bank accounts
ass n. 1. part of anatomy which politicians use to think up campaign strategies 2. First syllable of last name of Trinidad's most pompous politician [see moon]
ally n. an individual whose money or race or lack of principle makes him useful to a political party
august adj. majestic, noble; but exactly opposite when it's the first two syllables of the last name of a politician [see air]
belt n. an item of apparel which citizens are always tightening and politicians in office are always loosening
blind adj. what all UNC supporters are, or pretend to be, to evidence of corruption [see deaf]
cell n. 1. a mobile telephone supplied by licensed dealer; 2. a small room in which dealer is imprisoned if licence is obtained illegally
corruption n. an activity which only members of the other political party indulge in
deaf adj. the state of all UNC supporters to cries of corruption [see race]
debt n. a sum of money owed, which politicians in office wipe out from their personal finances by passing it on to taxpayers
devil n. 1. an entity the Political Leader sleeps with in order to get into power; 2. any media house which is critical of the Political Leader when he gets into power [see express]
express n. offspring produced by devil sleeping with politician
enough n. an amount of money which politicians can never steal
ethics n. a body of principles which prevents an individual from entering political office or becoming rich or both
false adj. contrary to truth or fact, unless the Political Leader says so [see truth]
forgive v. tr. an action which the Political Leader takes once the transgressor's lips are applied to his backside
gag n. a legal action often taken by corrupt politicians and businessmen to prevent the public from learning how corrupt they are
greed n. a required character trait of Government Ministers
honourable adj. a term used by Members of Parliament to hide the fact that they are not
honorarium n. a sum of money given on contract to Junior Government Ministers and Senators for not doing work
idea n. that which no politicians possess but always pretend to have
idolater n. diehard PNM; fanatic UNC (syn.)
ink n. washable liquid used by voter-padders to bypass one man, one vote
jackass n. anyone who defies the Political Leader; also a major financier of the Political Leader
justify v. what no UNC spokesperson can do for contracts
kill vb. a political strategy, applicable to documents, bids and councillors
kleptomania n. a psychological condition which often afflicts politicians after they take office
lack v.t. requirement of Cabinet members' brains and balls
laxative n. a medicine which is taken regularly by politicians, and which expresses itself orally
low adj. a level which most politicians must climb upwards to reach
manning v. to captain a vessel even if no one really wants you to
moon n. 1. object which orbits the Earth. 2 [sl.] to expose one's bottom. 3. First syllable of last name of Trinidad's second most pompous politician [see ass, honorarium]
neglect v. what MPs always do to constituents until election time
nod v. a reflexive movement of sycophants when the Political Leader is speaking
obligation n. giving contracts to persons who give lots of money to party so they can make back even more money
overcharge v. what political investor then does with contracts so given
pad v. political strategy, applicable to voting lists, invoices, and bank accounts
performance n. a staged act which people pay for, in politics often without knowing the amount
prayer n. an invocation to a Supreme Being, based on the premise that words are more important than action
race n. an appeal which overrides all considerations of principle or good governance
reputation n. that which any member of the UNC gives up, never had, or which was already bad
robin n. a loud and bird-brained creature interested only in feathering its nest
sack v. what the Prime Minister does to anyone who misbehaves in Cabinet but to no one who misbehaves in office [see forgive]
shred v. the last action politicians and their appointees do before demitting office
truth n. whatever is said most often, most loudly
twist v. what politicians invariably do to truth
uncompromising adj. what the Prime Minister always is in denying accusations of corruption and never has been in taking any action about accusations of corruption
undecided adj. every sensible or principled voter
vacillate v.i. every political investor
valid adj. what the voters' list won't be on December 10 [see x]
waffle v.i. the Opposition Leader's most highly-developed skill
x n. a mark placed on a ballot paper to vote for a rascal or a nincompoop
yarn n. that which is spun by politicians on campaign platforms
yawn v.t. reaction of all sensible people to politicians' yarns
zealous adj. how UNC spokespersons have gone about denying government corruption
zero n. that which all politicians' promises amount to
Copyright©2001 Kevin Baldeosingh