27 March 2003, 850 words
(With apologies to VS Naipaul)
Ten weeks before he died of a brain aneurysm, Mr Manning, a politician of Trinidad and Tobago, moved into the new House of Parliament. After they got over their grief and had packed away the champagne bottles and streamers and kazoos, the PNM General Council issued a statement saying that, contrary to popular belief, the official cause of death proved that Mr Manning did have a brain.
On the House on Balisier Street, as the government had renamed it, the State owed, and had been owing for twenty years, one billion dollars. The House itself had initially cost only half that much, but other buildings had had to be torn down, owners compensated at market value (or, when they were party supporters, three times market value). And, once the House was built, renovations had to be done when Mr Manning realised that his office didn't face the Northern Range and ordered that the entire building be turned around. (The architects told him that it would be easier just to build another office, but he found their logic spurious.)
The interest on the final billion dollars was fifteen percent compounded monthly, since Mr Manning had preferred to access the loan from community leaders rather than the established banks. 'This is a way of compensating historical sociological imbalances,' he had said at the time, 'and I am well aware of the sociological history of Woodford Square.' Mr Manning had recently learned the word "sociological" and tried to use it as often as possible. But the expected oil windfall had been quickly swallowed up by the economic fallout from the war on Iraq and from the Government paying PNM jéfes to pay black youths to pick up garbage.
Mr Manning had been feeling unwell for some time and had gone to several television evangelists, who diagnosed him with demonic possession, malaise of the Holy Spirit, and toejam. All had blessed him and slapped his forehead, which gave him a migraine as well. He had prayed and taken two Panadol, but the headache did not go away. Finally, he had gone to Cuba, where the doctors performed surgery to remove chronic earwax, told him the boy working better than ever, and gave him a bill which clearly showed that capitalists had taken over the country after Fidel died.
'I suppose we could raise our salaries again,' Hazel said, when she saw the amount.
'That is why I give you Education,' Mr Manning told her fondly.
Since they had moved to the House, Hazel had learned a new loyalty to him. She had her own office, as did all the other MPs, including the Opposition ones (although they had to fit three to a room and were not allowed to sing bhajans). Mr Manning had felt it necessary to give every MP their own office, mainly because the only argument he had offered in favour of the new House was that the old one didn't have enough space. 'Incontrovertible proof, ladies and gentlemen, that the Red House was incontrovertibly too small for our incontrovertible purposes,' he had said when the new House was opened. He had learnt the word only the day before, taken a liking to it, and hired it at a competitive salary.
Mr Manning thought of the House as his own, though in public he said it belonged to the people of Trinidad and Tobago. But since the people had had no say in its construction, and indeed had even made it clear they didn't want it, Mr Manning felt justified in thinking of the House as Mine all mine, bwahahahahaha! But, to do him justice (which was now housed in the Baila Baila Dance Studio so magistrates could learn the meringúe while they heard their cases) Mr Manning laughed maniacally only when he was in the toilet reading the newspapers. That way, anybody who was listening would just think he was reading The Far Side or Bukka Rennie.
The House could be seen from all over Port of Spain and, on a clear day, Grenada. Mr Manning had insisted that the House be taller than all the other buildings in the capital, and Issa Nicholas had wept for days and refused to eat his cornflakes. So bigger than them all was the House, his House. How terrible it would have been, at this time, to be without it: to have lived without even attempting to lay claim to his portion of the earth and the beasts of the field, as commanded by the Lord Jehovah; yea and verily, to have died as one had been born, unnecessary and unaccommodated, instead of being born again in the Lord Jesus Christ and to find it an absolute necessity to have luxurious accommodations in the biggest House in the country.
Yes, Mr Manning had certainly shown them! Now every citizen would remember him, especially when they filled out their income tax forms, and even the vagrants on hot days would always appreciate the giant shadow cast by Mr Manning's House.
Copyright ©2003 Kevin Baldeosingh