02 July 1999, 890 words
I imagine there's a certain kind of person who's simply overjoyed that Hindu and Muslim leaders are so vehemently defending their right to marry 12- and 14-year-old girls. I imagine that, given their vehemence, these leaders must regularly receive letters like these:
Dear Sri Sate Maharaja-
Let me first state that I am completely agree with your statement
that "it is necessary to have this safety net" for girls who are
"lost control" and got pregnant at 14 years of age. I totally approve
of marriage laws of your wonderful country, which many more advanced
than my own.
I understand that you have about 60 or so girls under 15 getting married every year in your wonderful country. Happen you to know any who in needing of safety net at this present time? If so, I am quite willing to provide one (1) net. I have secure job in Belgium film industry, and will naturally pay any fees you may require to locate suitable young wife for me. Naturally, also I am very willing to make substantial donation to your wonderful organization in its fight against bigotry, especially against bigots who have prejudice against men wishing to marry young girls and gave them safety net.
Here are details you will need to locate
suitable bride, plus cheque in advance. I am 45 years old, white,
with much money in bank. I assume age is not problem, since you are
looking for person who can provide safety net for young girls, which
young men cannot do and, in any case, I understand that nearly every
one of the 60 girls who got married were married to men 15 or more
years older than them. Your country is truly wonderful! I also am
understand that Indian girls very small-frame, so please I would like
one about five foot tall and about 85 lbs in weight. No more please.
Rest assure that I take good care of her and fulfill noble mandate
you are so nobly perusing in your wonderful country. (Naturally, I
convert to Hindu for marriage ceremony and give brides' parents great
dowry.)
Yours truly,
Sven LePyeiu
Dear Waffle-
Salaam aleikum! Heartiest congratulations to you my brother-in-Islam
for your forthright stand against the infidels who seek to impose
Western laws upon our Muslim brotherhood! This attempt to remove our
right given by Allah to marry off our 12-year-old daughters is a
blatant attack on the faith of Muslims everywhere in the world! Next
thing they will make having more than one wife a crime!
As you so very rightly said, "Fathers are very attached to their daughters". I myself have had four daughters and have been very attached to them all. That is why I ensured that the three older ones all found good husbands with good jobs who would take good care of them. It is also why, I am proud to say, that though I am only 38 years of age, I am already a grandfather four times. That is because, instead of wasting time learning useless things in school after they wrote Common Entrance, my daughters were engaged in the far more important task of learning to be obedient wives and good mothers. (Save me a fortune in textbooks too!) Unfortunately, all of them ran away from their husbands. They said the men beat them, which just goes to show how this decadent Western culture we live in has corrupted our women!
I am already looking for a husband for my
youngest daughter, who just turned 12 and has already seen her
period. She is the prettiest of all my children, so naturally I am
very worried about her engaging in sexual activity. I never let her
out of the house, and I personally check her every day to make sure
her virginity is intact. I am sure this one will stay with the
husband I choose for her, since I never let her watch television or
listen to music.
Your in faith
Mohammed
Dear Mr. Deviant Maharaj-
Congratulations on the brilliant columns you writing every week in
the papers, bhai! I real like the one where you defend the rights of
Hindu men to marry 14-year-olds! That is a proud tradition in we
religion, making sure that we daughters get a early education in the
most important thing they could ever do! We Hindus does value we
women, not like them Creole. I read in a next one of your columns, we
even used to marry them off as child to save them from Muslim
tyrants! Lucky thing we start that tradition, eh bhai?
I think you must keep up the battle, because
you know this Government might raise the marriage age just to please
them Creole. In your next column, you should point out that young
girls benefit from getting marrid at 14, because they get to please
their husbands when dey breasts still firm and their stomach so sexy!
I myself was 36 and my wife14 when we get marrid last year, and I ent
know any couple who in love like we! No young boy could really take
care of mi lil Sumintra like me, I show you dat!
Indar S!
Penal
I can only imagine what these leaders would reply to such persons. But, of course, I don't have to.
Copyright ©1999 Kevin Baldeosingh