18 August 2000, 959 words
Dear Guru Kevin,
Please interpret this dream I had last night. I dreamed I was in a large building, like an airport terminal. But there were no aeroplanes or passengers or luggage. There were only some men in three-piece suits standing in front of a red ribbon and smiling. One man, who had silver hair, cut the ribbon and all the other men smiled and clapped. When the ribbon was cut, many white doves flew up and confetti dropped from the roof, only it wasn't confetti but thousands of hundred-dollar bills.
Yours truly,
Emile E.
Dear Emile E.,
The building represents construction, or destruction. Your dream says that you are going to build something or break down something. The money symbolizes wealth, the confetti symbolizes a party. Your inner mind is telling you that will make money, or lose money, or go to a fete. The red ribbon represents life, but cutting a ribbon may mean death, or wrapping a birthday present. The doves represent peace. Your dream means that you will either receive an unexpected gift, or achieve inner peace, or drop dead.
Dear Guru Kevin,
Please explain the meaning of this dream which I had two weeks ago. I was in the middle of a large crowd, fanning myself with a football fan, whom I held by one leg. Everyone in the crowd was Indian, except for some African people in front who wore large jerseys saying "For Rent". The Indian people had smaller signs across their foreheads, saying "Empty space for rent". There was a short Black man addressing the crowd. He had a forked tongue and lisped. As he spoke, his nose grew and grew, and I ran out of the hall terrified that I would be skewered through the brain. I then played a football match against Brazil and won 2-nil.
Sincerely yours,
Pele
Dear Pele,
A crowd represents your fear of other people. The fan represents your fear of other people's perspiration. The Africans represent your desire to find a nice but affordable apartment, while the Indians represent your need for an office building. The man addressing the crowd is your own Ego, symbolizing your Id, representing the Devil. His growing nose symbolizes your fear of your own sexuality, or Christian guilt, which you have transmuted by making football your religion. Your subconscious mind is trying to tell you that Trinidad and Tobago will never beat Brazil and that you need to accept this.
Dear Guru Kevin,
Please interpret this dream which I had last week. I dreamed I was driving in heavy traffic through Chaguanas and ended up at Price Smart. There was a policeman directing traffic, but he looked like a mayor. But I didn't want to go Price Smart. I took another road, also with plenty traffic, and again I ended up at Price Smart. A grocery boy was directing the traffic, but he looked like a mayor. I took still another route, and although I drove and drove, I ended up at Price Smart again. A mayor was directing traffic, but he looked like a rabbit with a waistcoat and a gold watch. I asked him how I could get out of Chaguanas and he screamed, "Everybody happy with the new traffic arrangements!"
Yours faithfully,
Alice W.
Dear Alice,
Driving in traffic means that you are going where everyone else is going. Price Smart represents your search for a better bargain in life, which means you are not satisfied with your husband. The mayor represents your ideal man, who is either a policeman, a grocery boy or a rabbit. You must either consider getting a divorce, getting your husband to change jobs, or getting him to wear a bunny suit. Only then will you, too, be happy with life's traffic arrangements.
Dear Guru Kevin,
I have been having this recurring dream which I would like you to interpret for me. I am in a small room with a few other people, all Hindu. In front are two, sometimes three, men. One has a simpering smile, the other has a sly smile, and the third has a scared smile. Occasionally, they are joined by a short-haired woman who doesn't smile at all.
The dream always begins the same way, with one of the men saying, "Welcome to the Right Ass For Rum." But there is never any rum, and this irritates me. Seated beside me is a man who is missing the entire right side of his body. He always stands up and shouts, "Why all-yuh discriminating against the left ass for?" One of the men answers, "We have a right to discriminate!" and the whole crowd claps. But there is still no rum.
The dream does not frighten me, but it is so boring I keep falling asleep when I wake up.
Yours truly,
V.S.N.
Dear V.S.N.,
A recurring dream is always a sign of unresolved issues. The smiling men and the unsmiling woman show that your male and female sides are in conflict. One side is unhappy and the other side pretends to be happy. This, plus your vexation at the lack of rum, means that you true self is either an alcoholic homosexual or a homosexual alcoholic. The half-man represents your desire not to discriminate between your buttocks. You must make a conscious effort to let both sides be spanked the same number of times.
Dear Guru Kevin,
Last week I dreamed I was watching a local beauty contest. But all the girls had doughy derrieres, hard faces and bad skin. One pointed to her head and said, "Beauty doesn't come from here." What does this dream mean?
Michelle K.
Dear Michelle K.,
It wasn't a dream.
Copyright ©2000 Kevin Baldeosingh