09 February 2001, 809 words
Hello, my name is Winston and I am a hypocrite. I used to be a calypsonian and so I had to pretend to be a conscious man. But it was hard not to blink after my ship sink, excuse de rhyme, is a bad habit a mine. Even back then I figure people coulda tell I didn't mean a damn thing I sing, especially since I doh sing so well, I couldn even refuse the fee the PNM offer me to sing in dey party.
Jheri-curl I used to wear, but I had to shave it off so I could sing bout de little black boy with picky hair, I didn really care bout no black boy and when I sing bout the nation soul, it was so trite in true I was sure everybody would see right through and know I was a mas whole. But I see people does get fool by the simplest tricks and mi face start to twist and that is why I decide I better fitted for de politics. Sanimanitay.
Hello, my name is Sat and I am a hypocrite, bhai. I pretend to be a devout Hindu, shanti om, but I makes my money publishing photos of half-naked women. Not total naked and never nice Indian gyul, eh. I ent even honest bout being degenerate.
I's also take out them parts of the Bhagavad Gita that would prevent me badtalking black people, dhal and bhagi. But I does say I not racial, is just that I have the cultural right to fling out mi daughter if she marry a black man, yes pholouri!
I also say I stand for decency and good family, but I don't want the law change to stop big men marrying 14-year-old Hindu gyul, because if they get pregnant I feel dey family should throw them out, gulab jamoon we! Truth is, I doh stand for nothing. Why you think I name Sat?
Hello, my name is Bilaal and I am a hypocrite. I like to pretend to be civilised. See how civilised I look with my spectacles? No, that's not why I wear them, I wear them because I am very short-sighted.
I speak very earnestly about our treasured institutions of democracy. Yes, I did try to overthrow the government. But that was the result of a set of unique circumstances. What circumstances? Well, the government wasn't popular, we had guns, and many young men who were anxious to shoot people. The unique part? Well, that there was...it had...you see....As I was saying, I also speak about rule of law and freedom of speech. Well, yes, Salman Rushdie should be killed.
Look, it is not my fault that I am a hypocrite! In the Holy Qu'ran it is written, "Allah sends whom he will astray and guides whom He will." So it is Allah who should be in this meeting, not me.
Hello, my name is Ramesh and I are a hypocrite. For donkey ears I have defend convicted murderers by arguing against the death penalty. I was even did form a Human Rights Bureau to make sure I is bypass them meaningless ethics other lawyers pretends to follow. Defend the Jamaat, run away when they are pull coup, come back to defends them again as soon as I are make sure they could still afford me.
But I dyes my hair and it seep through to my brains so I want people dies too. So, as soon as I becoming Attorney-General, I hanged nine mans like clothes out to dry. I thought that would get the public to likes me, but it look like all that happen is they get confirming how hypocritical I is. Them damn columnist also tells people how I dyes my hair, nobody did suspect before, they just thought I youthful and three inches taller.
So now I does visit church and mandir and mosque and talk about spirituality. It look like it working too, because nobody does laugh at me. The only problem I have is how to keep a straight face when I talking all this tata. I does never succeed, but lucky my face so twist already nobody does notice.
Hello, my name is Basdeo and I am a hypocrite. I have spent most of my life talking about egalitarianism and democracy and corrupt government. Now I lime with the parasitic oligarchy and ignore all democratic principles and all evidence of corruption. This is my true self - wait, nah...that means I am not a hypocrite. So what de hell I doing in this meeting? Oh, you have free rum? Well, maybe I could stay a little while.
Copyright ©2001 Kevin Baldeosingh